Measured by a complex algorithm I could never fully understand, Aryton Senna is definitively the fastest racing driver of all time, followed by Michael Schumacher and then Lewis Hamilton. Valtteri Bottas set the fastest ever recorded speed in F1 at 378 mph at a 2016 European Grand Prix in Baku.

This isn’t even comparable to the land speed record set by Andy Green in ThrustSSC, a British Jet-powered car that achieved over 763 mph back in 1997.

And then even this speed isn’t comparable to Mr Claus’ record in his sleigh. Which, again, when calculated using complex algorithms, is recorded as reaching 650 miles per second.

Given these calculations, it’s clear Santa is a speed demon, likely racking up a few speeding fines too. Still, all of that is less concerning than his drink-driving habits after a few sherrys.

Now, a lot of information about his vehicle remains uncertain, as after flying into American airspace, it was promptly shot down and is being hidden away in Area 52. But we do know a few crucial facts about it.

It apparently only has 9 horsepower, or reindeer power. I assume they’re interchangeable, and, according to extensive academic research, the movie Elf tells us it’s not an internal-combustion or electric vehicle; it runs on Christmas spirit. Now this poses a few difficulties, especially over North Korea, given that Christianity and therefore Christmas are banned there.

But it comes with all the latest technology, such as headlights, more nose lights, lighter materials for improved weight and aerodynamics, and even a large boot with enough space for the entire world’s presents. Putting the Land Rover Discovery’s abysmal boot space of 280 litres to shame.

Top speed	2,900,000 mph
0-60	1/32 of a millisecond
How many units were sold	1
Cost when new	a mince pie and a glass of sherry
Is this car my dream joy ride	yes

Anyway, Santa’s sleigh is therefore our car of the week, as any vehicle which can travel at Mach 3000+ is worthy of a spot on this list.

Merry Christmas from the Group B team!

Image by frankychoi from Pixabay

Tags

dan, boland, dan boland, speed, algorithm, senna, schumacher, hamilton, bottas, formula 1, baku, thrustssc, andy green, record, jet, santa, sleigh, reindeer, horsepower, christmas, spirit, technology, aerodynamics, presents, boot, mach, speeding, sherry, fines, area52, vehicle, jolly, merry, car of the week, cotw